not my last breath
by forevergallavich
Summary: Ian left 3 months ago, and Mickey hasn't heard anything from him. Not until Mandy tells him that he's in the intensive care unit...
1. missing you

**Hey guys! So I've never really done anything like this before and I know I'm really late with the whole Gallavich fandom, but I just started watching Shameless, and instantly fallen in love with them. I really hope you enjoy reading!**

It had been almost 3 months since Ian Gallagher had left him. And yet Mickey still couldn't get rid of the feeling he had at night, when he was lying in bed alone. The dent had since left the place where Ian once slept, and although he knew it didn't mean anything, he refused to sleep on that side. Ian's side.

Pulling the covers over himself, he was shocked to see Mandy storm into his room.

'The fuck do you want?' he asked, confused as too why she had walked further into his room. It's not like she had to walk through it anymore to use the bathroom. He moved into his fathers room as soon as he went back to jail, knowing he wouldn't be back any time soon.

'It's Ian' she replied, her eyes holding back the tears that were about to fall.

'And why do you think I'd give a fuck?' he spat.

'Stop acting like that. Like you don't care about him any more. Stop denying how you feel about him, you don't always have to be the tough guy you know? Your allowed to fucking feel something sometimes' she cried, tears streaming down her face.

With that he stood up and barged past her, out the door. 'Who the fuck do you think your talking to, eh? Don't you dare talk to me like that. You have no fucking idea how I feel, so just get out of my face will ya?'

'Well, if you wanted to see him, he's in the intensive care unit at the hospital'.

'He's where? What? Why would he be there. Shit Mandy what the hell did he do?'

'I don't know, he won't talk to anyone, just keeps screaming. They've had to sedate him the whole time.', she replied, pulling her coat on, 'oh, and in case you were wondering, Fiona leaves at 9 each night, something about how she doesn't want to see him like that at night. Apparently he screams until he ends up falling asleep'.

'Shit'

'Go visit him, it sounds like he needs you'.

'Don't tell me what I should do, shitface'.

'Pussy'

'Fuck you!', and with that, he left, knowing where he would end up.

-

As he walked through the corridors of the intensive care unit, he wondered how Ian ended up there. What if he didn't want to see him, if he was over him?

'Ian Gallagher's room?', he asked the nearby nurse.

'End of the hall and too the left', she replied, pointing where to go.

He walked away, not even thanking the woman. Hell, he was never one for manners.

As he approached the door, he knew instantly that he was in the right room, for he could hear the screams, making his hair stand on ends. He hated it when Ian screamed like that. But he hated himself even more for caring.

He opened the door, not too sure why his hand was shaking.

'What the fuck are you doing here Milkovich?' Fiona screamed.

'Is he alright?' he replied, almost a whisper.

'Why do you even give a shit? He's been screaming for you for days, and no one knows why. It's not exactly like you two were mates or anything'.

At that he heard another scream, and without thinking, he ran over to Ian's side, letting him know he was there.

'Hey Ian, it's me, Mickey. It's alright, I'm here now okay? Look man, you gotta stop screaming, it'll be alright okay? It's all gonna be alright'. He cradled his face, not thinking that Fiona was still in the room.

Slowly, Ian started to calm down, matching his breathing to Mickeys'. Raising his hand to touch Mickeys', he whimpered, clearly in obvious pain.

'What the hell? How did you do that? The only way we've stopped him from screaming was by sedating him'. Fiona asked, clearly shocked.

'I dunno do I? he replied

'Ian, you okay now?' Fiona asked.

'Get the fuck out Fiona, I told you I don't want you here'. Ian screamed.

And with that, Fiona stormed out the room, leaving Mickey and Ian alone.7

 **Hey guys! So please leave reviews and let me know how you think! I'm not too sure if I've made Mickey to soft too early on? But I guess this is based during season 4, yet Ian hasn't told Mickey he left for the army yet. Also, Mickey doesn't have a kid or a wife in my version! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, and remember, please leave reviews!**


	2. Apologies

**Notes at the bottom guys!**

'And where the hell have you been?' Mickey asked, clearly pissed of at the fact that Ian left him without saying goodbye.

'I joined the army'

'Bullshit, you have to be 18'

'I found a solution'

'I've missed you' Mickey whispered, hoping it would be quiet enough that not even Gallagher could hear.

'I've missed you too'

'So how the fuck did you end up in the place. You don't get admitted into the fucking intensive care unit unless its serious shit'

'I was shot', gulped Ian, trying to avoid the flashbacks.

'WHAT? By who, I swear to God I'm going to kill that mother fucker. Were they at least the opposite team man? questioned Mickey, annoyed that Ian hadn't told him as soon as he got there.

'Well actually, I was on my way to your house. I regretted leaving and was about to apologise when your fucking dad jumped me in the alleyway. Shot me once in the leg, twice in the torso. Got in a few good punches and kicks as well'.

'I swear to God I'm gonna beat the living shit outta that asshole. God Ian, I'm so sorry he done that to you', he grabbed Ian's face, not letting go, knowing that he wanted to protect him from that moment onwards.

'Hey, its okay, I knew he wanted to get back at me anyway for fucking you. I guess he's still not over the fact that I'm gay. That your gay...'. Looking up to find Mickey, he was shocked to see the door swinging shut. Instantly, he knew what Mickey had left for.

'Shit', he said out loud, 'what the fuck is he gonna do?'.

 **Hey guys! So I know this was a really short chapter but I kinda wanted to leave it on a cliff-hanger for you all! I know its not the best so far, but I'm trying to build up the way they feel for each other, I don't want it to be fast paced, because I want to stay true to how they feel on the show during the first few seasons.**

 **Also, please remember to leave reviews!**


	3. Feelings

**Notes at the bottom!**

Three hours. It took him three hours to find his piece of shit dad, if he could even call him dad anymore. He found him in the alleyway near the alibi, drunk out of his nut, and clearly high too. At first he just stared, whilst images of what he was about to do next raced through his head.

'The fuck you staring at boy?' his dad spat, stumbling over an empty beer can at an attempt to come closer to the boy, 'I thought I told you to stay away from the fucking Gallagher kid? Do you kids never listen, you fucking halfwit.'

'Don't talk to me like that. Who the fuck do you think you are? So fucking what if I'm gay? There, I admit it. In fact, ill let everyone know.', and with that, he stood on the dumpster and smashed a beer bottle on the ground, 'I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm fucking gay.'

Everything was silent, and Mickey was about to get down from the dumpster, when his father shouted out.

'NOOOO', and with that, he launched himself at Mickey, 'No son of mine will Ever be fucking gay'. He spat the word as if it was a sin.

'God, is that all you've got? I've wanted to kick your ass since Gallagher told me that you were the one who got his ass in there', launching himself also at his dad.

Terry punched Mickey in the jaw. With blood running down his hand, he tried again, yet this time, Mickey was prepared. he dodged his fathers hand and connected his own hand with his abdomen. Terry let out a loud groan, kicking Mickey in the shin, but Mickey seemed unfazed by the actions, repeatedly punching Terry over and over again. The face, abdomen, kicking him in the leg. 5 minutes later, the police showed up, taking Terry back to jail.

'When I come back I'll make sure I fucking kill you' Terry screamed, shocked that his son could betray him like that. 'I gave you fucking everything, and this is how you decide to repay me', he spat the words.

Ian's hospital door flew open, a clearly agitated Mickey storming through, dried blood covering his sore knuckles, obvious trails of tears red on his face.

'W-w-what happened?', Ian stuttered, finding it hard to form the words.

'Sorted shit out', Mickey replied.

'Wanna talk about it?' Ian asked calmly, wanting to reassure his friend, boyfriend, that he was there for him.

'Nope'.

'Come lie with me?'

'I'm not fucking gay'.

'Well, I mean, you kinda are. We do fuck, or at least, we used too.'

With that, Mickey strode over to the bed.

'Move over then', Mickey said.

'What?' asked a confused Ian.

'Well you said to lie with you, but I'm not gonna fucking lie on the edge of the bed am I?'.

Ian shuffled over to the wall, making enough space in the bed for Mickey to lie next to him snuggly.

'I'm gonna hold your hand now' Ian said, taking a hold of it and gently stroking Mickeys knuckles with his thumb, placing delicate kisses on them.

'I said I weren't gay' Mickey whispered, secretly hoping Ian wouldn't stop.

'I know, but I am, and I'm hurt, so I have an excuse to hold your hand' Ian laughed. 'Thank you for what you did for me today. With your dad. I know that's where you went, and I know that you could have gone to jail for what you did, and I'm so grateful for that.'

'Don't fucking say it Gallagher', Mikey knowing Ian was about to say those three words. Those three words that he knew he couldn't say. Because that meant that he really was gay. And although Mickey would do anything for his, for his friend, or whatever Ian was too him (fuck buddy maybe?), he knew that he would do anything for him.

'Okay, whatever you say'.

As Ian drifted off to sleep, Mickey sat up, and placed a soft kiss on Ian's forehead. He realised in that moment, whilst looking at Ian's bruised face and pale skin, that he did have feelings for the redhead. And yet, he knew that he could never admit that. Not until his father was dead.

And that killed him. It killed him that Firecrotch would never know how he felt. And although that sounded gay as hell, he didn't care. Because in that moment, all he cared about was Ian. His more than friend. More than fuckbuddy. He's possible boyfriend.

 **Hey guys so I'm sorry this update took so long! I've just been extremely busy! I really hope you like this chapter, I know it doesn't seem like much, but I tried so hard on it, so please make sure to leave reviews!**

 **xxx**


	4. Something doesn't feel right

**Read end for notes x**

It was 1am when Ian woke, screaming, crying, gasping for air. Mickey awoke at his first scream, instantly trying to calm him down. And yet, no matter what he did, Ian wouldn't stop screaming. Wouldn't stop screaming at Terry. Wouldn't stop crying out for Mickey. And although Mickey reassured him that Terry was gone, and gone for a long time, he couldn't help but feel a sense of annoyance. Because although Terry was locked away in prison, he was still causing trauma for Ian. And he didn't like it when people hurt Ian. He didn't like people hurting what was his.

'Hey, it's okay, he's gone now. It was only a dream'. More screams followed, and when Mickey finally managed to calm him down, he wrapped his arms around Ian tightly and laid him back down. Tears fell onto his arms, and he knew that Ian was still hurting.

They both fell back to sleep. Until 3:33 am. That's when Ian started screaming again. And this time Mickey couldn't calm him down. No matter what he said or did, Ian wouldn't stop screaming. He hated seeing him like this, it broke his heart. And he swore to himself that as soon as Terry was released from prison, he would kill him. Kill him for everything he has done to ruin Ian. To cause him pain and suffering.

This time the doctors had to sedate him. It was the only thing they could do. And although Mickey protested, swearing 'Fuck you' and 'Fuck off' several times over to the doctors and staff, they went with it anyways. Mickey was escorted out the room, told to pick up his act. If he didn't, he wouldn't be allowed back in. And although he hated doing what other people told him to do, he knew he hated the idea of not seeing Ian even more.

At 10am, the doctor came back into the room. Ian was still heavily sedated, and would be for a few more hours. Mickey wanted to take full advantage of this time, having a shower, getting something to eat.

'Mr Milkovich, can I speak to you? Outside?'

'Its Mickey. And he's asleep, thanks to you. So we can talk In here'.

'Mr Milkov-, Mickey. We ran some tests on Ian last night, after his episodes. And we have discovered that Ian has PTSD from whatever happened that night. If you have any idea what happened, you need to tell us. It could help us understand the root of the problem. Understand him better.'

'Look man, I don't know shit. And even if I did, it ain't my shit to tell. So maybe don't sedate Ian anymore and he can tell you himself you fucking idiot.'

'Okay, thank you mr - , Mickey.'

 **Hey guys so here's chapter 4! Remember to leave reviews!**


	5. Milkovich's aren't fucking gay

**So my chapters keeps getting less and less reviews? But oh well I'm still gonna write chapters because I enjoy doing it.**

Sitting by Ian's bedside, he knew something was wrong. The drugs were supposed to wear off after 12 hours, and it had been 36. The doctors said that this may happen, which was exactly why Mickey was so against the use of sedatives. He fucking knew something like this would happen. Something always fucks up around him. Shit.

'Mr Milkovich, can I talk to you'.

'What the fuck did you just call me?' Mickey spat, hating to tell people twice..

'Sorry, Mickey, can I talk to you please?'

'Well if you think i'm going outside then think again asswipe.'

'I have some bad news, do you know when the rest of Ian's family will be here?'

'The fuck should I know?'

There was an awkward silence, until Mickey spoke up again.

'You gonna tell me the bad news then? Or you just gonna keep me waiting around all day?'

'I'm afraid we can't tell you sir, not unless you have a relation to Ian. But until then I am aware you are just friends. You shouldn't even be allowed to stay over night, let alone be told confidential news. Do you have anything to tell me Mickey? Anything so that I can tell you about his progress?'

And although it killed him to not say anything, to not confess his feelings, he knew he couldn't. Shit how could he confess his feelings to some shitty doctor, and not tell Ian?

'Nope you got it, just a friend.'

'Okay Mickey, whatever you say.'

'The fuck did you just say?'

'Nothing sir.'

'The FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?

'Sir if you don't lower your voice then I'll be forced to remove you from the premises'.

'If you ever say anything like that again, I will kick your ass. Now why don't you get back to your job instead of harassing me fucktard'.

'Of course Mickey. But just so you know, you're not fooling anyone anymore. Yeah you may have been a 'badass' or whatever back in the day, but everyone cam clearly see that it's an act. Do us a favour and just tell the kid how you feel hey?'

'My feelings are none of your fucking business. You don't know me. If your accusing me of being gay or some fucked up shit like that, then you can fucking leave right now. Because Milkovichs' aren't fucking gay.'

And with that, the doctor left, leaving Mickey alone in a room with a drugged up Ian. And his fucking feelings.

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I know its a lot of dialogue but it was kinda needed to progress onto the next chapter. Sneak peak of next chapter is that Fiona will go down to the hospital and see Mickey there, which she is still not pleased about. But I think I may have them have a heart to heart conversation? I just want to build their relationship up more? Also remember to leave review! They're really appreciated!**


	6. Save the fucking sob story

**Hey guys! So please can people leave Gallavich prompts on my last post? I'd really appreciate it! Notes at the end!**

The night seemed to pass slowly. To fucking slowly for Mickey. Ian still hadn't awoke, and it was really starting to piss him off.

His hand was entwined with Ian's. It was the middle of the night, so Mickey assumed he was safe to do this gay stuff. He didn't understand why Ian liked it when Mickey held his hand. His hands got sweaty and it was damn right disgusting. Does anyone even know how many germs are on hands? Yet, this time, he felt it to be quite comforting, like he needed the reassurance of the soft heart beat in Ian's hand. It let Mickey know he was still alive, still fighting.

Fuck, why was he thinking like this. Of course he was still alive, it was just temporary. But the doctors had also said it could be more permanent. Shit.

As the suns rays poured into the now dimly lit hospital room, Mickey awoke, soon aware that his hand was still clasping Ian's.

'Fuck' he said aloud. And he couldn't help but hope that no doctors walked in on him. He realised the time, 10:37 am to be exact, and realised that Fiona was going to be back any minute. She always came on Fridays at 10:40. Never was she late. He never had got on with Fiona. He didn't know why, but he had always been drawn to Ian's younger sister, Debbie. Now she interested him, and she cared about him, which only 2 other people did. Fiona, in Mickeys eyes, was boring, and too stuck up for the area she lived in. And she always had to fucking brag about how she raised her siblings, using her sob story whenever she could. He had promised Ian that he would try to be nicer, but they never seemed to click.

As Fiona walked through the door, he thanked God that she hadn't walked in minutes earlier, or he had woken up any later, because although she knew that they slept together, she didn't know that Mickey cared about Ian. That he cared about him more than anyone, and even the voice inside his fucked up head said that he cared more for Ian than Mandy. Maybe.

'Mickey' Fiona said, looking at him in an almost approving way, 'Did you stay here all night?'

'So what if I did? It ain't a big deal, now get the fuck out my way. I'm leaving.'

'Mickey, you don't need to be like this. We need to get on, if not for ourselves then for Ian. He needs us right now. Both of us. We need to get on, for him. I don't think your that bad Mick, I just didn't think you were the right choice for Ian. But the way you look at him, and how your always around. I just know that you care about him, and I do too. You have to see that I had a reason Mickey. But you have no reason to hate me!'

'The fuck? What the actual fuck. Did I ask for you to give me a sob story, to admit your 'true feelings'? Save it for someone who cares Fiona, why don't you tell them that speech when you bring up the fucking sob story about how you raised your siblings at such a young age. Now get the fuck out my way.'

As he walked out the door, he turned to look at Fiona again.

'Oh, and don't fucking call me Mick again. No one calls me that but Ian.'

He stormed down the corridor. God he needed a smoke.

 **Thank you guys so much for reading this chapter! Your continuous support ceases to amaze me! Also remember to leave me gallavich prompts on my previous post!**


	7. I saved you my jello

**I'm so sorry it has been so long since I last updated! I've had a lot of personal problems that I have needed to sort out recently, but I'm back, and I'm hoping to carry on posting, as long as my personal business doesn't get in the way! Anyways, thanks so much for the reviews, and the continuous support! It's guys like you that make me want to carry on writing. If this is a short chapter, then I apologise, but I will try to update tomorrow also! Thanks again!**

 **Ian's POV**

'Mickey?' Ian asked, as he heard the hospital door creak open, 'Where did you go, I woke up and you weren't here.'

'Hey Ian'

'Fiona? What are you doing here?', he suddenly become aware that he had just called out Mickey's name. He was sure he would be screamed at later.

'Mickey just left, if you were wondering. And am I not allowed to check up on my brother when he is in the hospital?' She asked.

'Sorry, it's just that I'm not really up for talking at the moment. I kinda just want to go back to sleep, if that's okay with you?', Ian fake yawned; he wasn't really tired, but he did want to call Mickey. It was as if he couldn't go 10 minutes without speaking to him, and it had already been almost an hour.

'I'll let you rest then. See you soon.' And with that, Fiona kissed him on the head, and left, the door slamming shut as she walked out the room.

 **Mickey's POV**

That bitch always had to have her nose in everyone else's business, and Mickey hated it. He had always wondered how Ian put up with her, with her annoying ass voice, and all her 'problems'. Didn't she realise that no one gave a shit about her one night stands, and after the 10th story, they sure did get boring. That woman might as well be a prostitute, at least she'll be earning money. At the current moment, he thought Fiona was simply a whore.

Walking past the bench just outside the hospital, his phone started ringing.

'Who the fuck is it?'

'Mickey, seriously, its like an extra 4 bucks to get caller ID, and I know you're not to poor for that.'

'Gallagher, the fuck do you want?'

'Fiona's gone, you can come back now. But do me a favour?'

'I don't do favours'

'You do for me.' Ian smirked, he knew Mickey would do anything for him.

'Have a shower first'. Mickey heard a faint laugh from the other side of the phone, and smirked himself.

'Whatever you say, your highness.'

'Oh and Mickey.'

'Yes Gallagher?'

'I saved you my jello from lunch'

And with that, he hung up, leaving Mickey smirking on the bench. And Mickey hated how Ian could do that too him. How he had him in the palm of his hand. How he knew, in that moment, that he would do anything and everything for that boy.

He couldn't admit it. But he knew in that moment. He knew that he, not necessarily loved him, but he did at least like him. He liked him very much.


	8. Nightmares are bullshit

'Mr Milkovich, I need you to leave. NOW!'

'Get the fuck off me, let me see him.'

Two doctors grabbed Mickeys arms, pulling him out of the room, Mickey kicking and scratching, hoping to get away from them.

Tears rolled down his face as he watched through the glass window as Ian lay lifeless on the bed. A doctor performing CPR, a crash cart, a piercing sound from the heart monitor filling the room. Nurses shaking there heads, one of them was fucking crying. Why would they be crying? They didn't know Ian the way he did.

And then everything went silent. The doctors shook there heads, the nurses looked at the clock, and wrote down a time. And then they left.

And everything went black.

'Mickey, Mickey wake up. Mickey it was just a bad dream. Hey Mickey. Wake the fuck up Milkovich.' Ian shook Mickey awake, watching as sweat and tears rolled down his face.

'Hey Mickey, it's okay. You're fine.'

'Oh thank fuck you're okay. I, I thought you died. I watched you die.' Mickey gasped for air, and Ian could help but smile, knowing that Mickey must really like him if he was getting this worked up over a dream of him dying.

'Well you can't get rid of me that easily.'

'I know Firecrotch, I know.'

 **Hey guys! So I know this chapter is superrrrr short but like I tried a new style of writing and it kind of went really bad but I'm still gonna post it anyway lmao. I hope you enjoy it nether the less. Please leave reviews. :)**


	9. APPRECIATION POST

**HEY GUYS**

 **So this isn't a new chapter, but an appreciation post!**

 **I just want to say a massive thank-you to sinceslicedbread**

 **You have been my biggest supporter since I started this story, and your continued support leaves me speechless. I never thought ANYONE would enjoy my silly story, so your reviews mean so much to me! To know people are enjoying my story, even if it is only a few, means the world to me! You guys are what keep me going, and I know that I take agesssss to upload new chapters, but its because my life is SUPER hectic with exams and all that shit :/**

 **SO please be patient with me and continue reading my story, I'm not giving up on it just yet :)**


	10. Mickey isn't some kind of fag

**Hey guys i'm back! I've had a lot of exam pressure these last few weeks so i'm so sorry I haven't uploaded!**

 _ **2 months later**_

'It's been almost 3 fucking months, when the fuck can he leave?'

'Sir, we have explained this to you already, until he can walk on his own he's not leaving. He can damage his legs even further if you push this.'

'He's strong, he can get over it. I'll help him, I swear.'

'Sir, it's just not possi...'

'Don't fucking tell me what isn't possible. I can look after him. He's going fucking crazy in that room. You won't even let him outside! It's like he's a prisoner. Just let me take him home. He needs to be round his family.'

'Are you family then sir?'

'No, but I've been here more than them, so I might as well be. The pieces of shit'

'Well Mr Milkovich, you know full well that you can't take him from this hospital without his family's permission. And since they are away for the next 6 weeks, I suggest you get used to that room. Unless there is something you wanna tell us that means you can discharge him?'

'What are you trying to fucking say?'

'It's just, we all see the way you look at Mr Gallagher, are you sure you're more than just a friend?'

With that Mickey grabbed the doctor by his coat, and slammed him into the wall.

'The fuck did you just say you prick?'

'It, it just seems as if you're a little more than friends. Not that it's any of my business, but you seem very close.'

'If I ever here you say some dumb shit like that again I'll put you in hospital. As a patient this time.'

'Mr Milkovich. Can I just say, don't wait too long. Don't let it be too late.'

'Piss off', Mickey spat, and he walked slowly down the corridor to Ian's room.

But the whole time, he couldn't help but wonder if what that doctor, whatever the fuck his name was, said was true. Was he getting closer to Ian? Were they more than just friends' Fuck off, of course they weren't. Mickey Milkovich wasn't some fag. He fucked Angie all the time, or atleast that's what he tells people.

 **Sorry its so short and if it doesn't make sense! I'm recovering from a hangover, so I'm not in the best mind to write. hey ho. Also hope you like the new writing style, its kinda shit but oh well.**


	11. Milkovich's

**I am so so so sorry that i haven't uploaded in so long. I know it must be annoying having to wait like a month for an update, but i've had exams, and i just haven't been inspired to write as much. Nonetheless, i love seeing new reviews in my emails, so make sure you keep leaving those, as they sure do inspire me! This is just gonna be a quick chapter, because i'm really ill and need sleep ahah :**

'It hurts Mickey. Make it stop, make it go away. Please Mickey, i can't do this anymore. Please. Help me.'

'I don't know what you expect me to do Gallagher.'

'Have we really gone back to last name bases? We've been in the same room for 3 months, and you can't even call me Ian. Fuck you Mickey.'

'God Ian, calm down. Look, do you want me to get a doctor in here? They can give you something for them pain or some shit. I don't know?'

'I just wanna go home Mickey. Take me home. Please'

He hated seeing Ian like this. In pain. Hating himself more and more each day. Ian's legs weren't getting any better, and he feared for the worst, knowing that if they were unable to heal properly, whatever future Ian wanted would be out of the picture. But most importantly, he hated how Ian was stuck in this damned hospital room, when he knew he could do something about it.

'You know they won't let me take you home Ian. Not till Fiona gets back. You gotta wait it out for another four weeks.'

'You can take me home you asshole. You just won't admit it. So i'm stuck here, feeling helpless and bored out of my fucking mind. Just because you can't accept the fact that you're fucking in love with me.'

'I'm not gay Gallagher. You're nothing but a warm mouth to me'. And with that, he stood up, leaving Mickey wide eyed and with his mouth open, and walked straight out the door.

He regretted what he had said immediately, knowing fall well that that piece of shit was right. He did love him, more than anything he had ever loved. Except for Mandy of course, but that wasn't the point. Yet, he refused to admit it. Because his dad had said that love was for the weak. That love was just a game, and you'd always end up losing. That life was much better alone, because you wouldn't wake up twenty years later with your four kids still living in the same godforsaken house that they had lived in twenty years ago. That it wasn't possible to love someone to the point where you would risk you own life for them, because he had always been taught that if someone was holding a gun to your head, then you duck and shoot the bastard in the leg, not caring if the person behind you was shot in the process. That showing any kind of emotion meant that you weren't a Milkovich. Because Milkovich's don't get upset, or happy, or any of the other emotions. They only get angry.

And although Mickey tried so hard to push these thoughts to the back off his mind, he couldn't help but think about the nights he spent alone, wishing his father wouldn't return that night. The times when he would sit in the shower, crying, wishing his feelings would just disappear, and that he would be normal. Because his father could never find out his secret. He would kill him if he did. Because Milkovich's aren't gay. Especially not Mickey. The dirty white boy who had been to juvy seven times already.

But that didn't matter. Because his dad was in prison. And he didn't have to hide anymore.

Because he knew he didn't have to be scared.

Mickey Milkovich was gay. And he didn't care who knew it.


	12. boyfriend

**hey guys! I'm back for yet another chapter, and you haven't had to wait a month this time! i think i'm going yo upload this to wattpad as well? But i'm not to sure yet! Anyways, i now have 6 weeks off school, meaning i can write more! Remember to leave reviews, it helps me to get new chapters out quicker.**

'Come on Firecrotch, you're getting out of here', Mickey said, entering the room and placing a firm kiss on Ian's lips.

'You just kissed me. You never kiss me', Ian stuttered, unable to believe his own words. Mickey had never really kissed him before, and he was confused as to why. Not that he was complaining mind you; he thoroughly enjoyed the kiss, and hoped Mickey would kiss him again. Because he already missed the feeling of Mickeys lips on his.

'I said come on. Get your fucking stuff packed. I'll go speak to the doctor'.

'You just kissed me. And you don't wanna talk about it?'

'Just hurry up Ian. Fuck.'

Mickey made his way down the corridor, slowly, as if if he walked slower, he might rethink his decision, and realize what a stupid mistake he was about to make. Not that it was stupid to him, but that everyone would know his secret. That Terry would probably find out sooner or later. That was the stupid part.

'Hiya, i wanna take Ian home now'.

'Mr Milkovich, you know full well that only family members of a significant other can take Mr Gallagher home. And considering you're only a friend, that isn't possible',

'Yeah well, you know full well that i'm not just a friend, so let me take him'.

'And what might you be Mr Milkovich?' the doctor asked, knowing that he was testing his limits. But he also knew that he had to get Mickey to say it to someone, he couldn't keep it bottled up for too long. 'What is your relationship to Mr Gallagher?'

'His partner. Lover? Family? You know?'

'Well in that case, please take a seat, we will fill out the paper work straight away, and you should be able to take your boyfriend home in a couple of hours.'

'Keep your fucking voice down' Mickey hissed, and yet, he couldn't help but smile when he heard the word. Boyfriend. Did he really mean that much to someone, that they would want to introduce him to people in that way? Introducing him as his 'boyfriend' not caring if others thought down on him. Mickey liked the idea, not that he would ever tell Ian. Because that meant that the fucker would go around telling everyone. He was a soppy kid like that, sentimental, he liked relationships and being close to Mickey and being clingy and romantic. Mickey was ready to be a boyfriend, but he wasn't ready for everything that comes with it.


	13. HELP PLEASE

**Hey, so its been a while, and I don't really have a valid excuse as to why. I just think I've lost my passion for writing, I find it more of a chore now. I don't want to abandon this story, I tried so hard, but I just don't know where to go next; I guess you could call it writers block. If anyone had any ideas, please message me or comment them, I could really use the help. All requests will be taken into consideration, and will help me tremendously with completing this story.**

 **thank you!**

 **\- forevergallavich**


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